don't tell me to not look back

because any normal human heart is going to look back.
how can't we?
how could you walk away from something that means so much to you, and walk away without looking back.
or maybe you don't even half to walk away.
maybe things have just changed.. they've just evolved to something different.
and even when it's not how it used to be; maybe even in a good way, you cannot help but think back to how it was once, who you once were, what once was your entire universe.
so i'm going to look back.
because today, i feel like it.
i'm going to look at the old pictures, read through the old texts, read the old letters and notes, remember the old sacred places we'd visit.. i'm re-opening this wound, and you know what? it feels damn good to go back to that place, atleast for now. maybe later it'll hurt. but for now, this is satisfying the need that I have to be back there, with you,where i was safe.
and i think that it's worth it.
-restless soul.

On the mend.

Why are we afraid to bleed?

Because it's a visual declaration to us that in some way, we have been hurt.

Something is not right.

Something is out of place, out of order.

We only see blood when something is wrong. 

Blood is a sign of pain, 

a sign of damage, 

an open wound; a hurt we are feeling.

What I've realized lately is that a scar, or a scab means the opposite; 

it means we are on the mend. 

Something is reforming.

Something is healing.

It is a declaration of transformation, and improvement.

Next time you wake up, to see that your face has broken out;

jump for joy; because what this means, is that

we are on the mend.

--Restless Soul.

Beautiful.



-Twiggs

You are not at all as you seem. To those who don't know you, you're awkward, quiet, and always two steps behind. But i see who you really are, because you have let me in. You're only awkward because people can't understand the way you think; you try to rearrange your words, but you can't, because that would be like changing the essence of who you are. You're only quiet because you have another world inside your head, where poetry and art and music blend together seamlessly. It seems like you're two steps behind, but that's only because you're walking in a different direction.

-sunshine

i thank God for pictures.

God bless you on the days you feel weak, to keep going.

Individuals may take numerous opportunities to knock you down.

Let that be the reason to keep your head up.



free.the.bird.

My Favorites

-  Sincerely Twiggs

simple thought.

seriously.
such a simple thing to say, but truly one of the most important aspects in life.
you are here!
be thankful.
i promise you there is good people and things in the world.
People talk about how dark, evil, and wicked this world is.
Look for the light and be greatful that you are living.
It is out there.
Recognize it.find it. live by it.




free.the.bird.

stumbling choices

i could not decide what my mind wanted to post. 

yet how frustrating it can be. i get a lot out of myself and stumble on things that have meaning in one way or another when  i procrastinate and do everything unplanned. just got me thinking about choices. 

i was told this over the summer from one of my idols. i want to live it one day. and actually embrace its power.

CHOICE IS THE biggest LUXURY

Art Alive

Life is an art. In these flashing moments...

I see Art in an old soul, fleeting smiles, and sunlight striking a child across blushing cheeks.

I open and shut my weary eyes, pretending I'm taking pictures.

I'll post them up in the walls of my brain cavity. I want to remember these moments forever.

The times where the light is golden, The car is going so fast I can't focus on a single thing, and those times I just want to spin and spin with my eyes shut, head up towards the sky.

I won't remember what shoes I was wearing, or how I did my hair that day.

I'll just get a feeling that I can't pin down, and I'll know I'm alive.

Sincerely Twiggs

Sweet Darkness

When your eyes are tired

the world is tired also.

When your vision has gone

no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark

where the night has eyes

to recognize its own.

There you can be sure 

you are not beyond love.

The dark will be your womb

tonight.

The night will give you a horizon

further than you can see.

You must learn one thing:

the world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds 

except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet

confinement of your aloneness

to learn

anything or anyone

that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.

David Whyte

-sunshine

walk on.

You have the choice to live life they way you want.

or walk away from it all.

I have a dear friend that recently moved to new york. no job. not knowing what to expect.

not even knowing if it will work out in the end.

but she went for it.

packed her stuff up and left;

because that is what she wanted.

Obviously at this point in my life. i can't pack up and travel the world.

but her brave step forward in life affected me..

and made me want to follow my dreams that much more.

so i thank her.

for inspiring me to walk on. 

free.the.bird.

discovering your "me-ish-ness"

I'm finding it less and less appealing to be around people just for the sake of being around people. I truly love spending time with myself and just being. Although I feel like I may be turning into somewhat recluse it feels so right. Actually, I think it's exactly what i need right now. Yes, having and spending time with friends and acquaintances is great and all but I think i'm really passing that period of my life where I crave constant external stimulation. Time to seriously take a seat in my soul and turn within for longer periods of time.

-sunshine

Determination

your almost craving your destination, you feel like your heart is going to come out of your chest its beating so hard, and your feeling that even if you had a chance to take in all the oxygen in the world it wouldn't satisfy your need for it at this moment, legs are starting to loose feeling but ache at the same time and you even consider if this is possible, your feet hit the cold wet earth at a constant beat you want to stop but almost feel like your legs have taken control and just keep hitting the ground over and over again, you finally have spotted the goal you have set up for yourself, foot by foot you get closer now your there, but then suddenly you have this drive to go on past into the unfamiliar, you dont know why you feel this way but you all the sudden tune everything out you go above the pain above your lungs collapsing and push forward, when you finally realize you can do this, you know you have your own individual determination.

-sunshine

Indigos (: read this!

/http://wedharma.com/creativity-lifestyle/the-indigo-children/

-sunshine!!

cody schibi sketchbook project 2011...

And this one (:

-sunshine

watchh this (:

Last Leaf

letting go.

Participated in a full moon ceremony last night.

it made such an amazing impact.

We wrote on a paper what we wanted to let go of,

those that wanted to went around the circle and read theirs,

those that didn't just threw it into the fire.

i wanted to let go of feeling the pressure of others to feel like i have to be someone else to fit in.

I want to let go of feeling like i have to be fake.

i am me. and that is who i am suppose to be.

and i threw it in the fire.

Then we learned about how saying "i am..." is saying "God in me is..." and by thinking this you will rid of negative thoughts.

you wouldn't want to say "I am the fattest, ugliest (teen girl things)" because thats not what you are.. and thats not what God is. Whether you believe in a God, or not a higher power is in you.. or you connect with and that is not what describes them.

Rather say "i feel..."

i found that it really does make a difference.

we spent the rest of the night chanting, and dancing, and i felt

FREE.

If you ever have a chance to participate in one, do!

it is life changing. 

free.the.bird

Bon Jovi - (You Want To) Make A Memory

-sunshine

Nostalgia

A poem from the book i'm currently reading... The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. you all need to read.

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
     he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
     because what was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
     and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
     and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
     took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
     with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
     Valentine signed with a row of X's
     and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
     he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
     because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
     and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
     because of its new paint
And the kids told him
     that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
     with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
     when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
     his mother and father kissed alot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
     when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
     he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
     because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
     and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
     because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
     of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
     making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
     or even talked
And the girl around the corner
     wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
     but he kissed her anyway
     because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
     his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
     he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
     because this time he didn't think
     he could reach the kitchen.

-sunshine

something i wrote last year, but still rings true:

525,600 minutes of only letting the comfort of the defined frame set around my eyes be the satisfaction of what i climb for. the structure of the idea of a young girls dream lead to this surreal fantasy that turned this life around. making continuous routes and endless rays of light. until the control of a hopeless tragedy began to let this beautiful dream slip away. to become only but a kept promise and a withdraw from whatever it was that made the world stop turning. it wasn't that we forgot. it wasn't that we had to grow. what it was. we won't know. why it's not able to fix, depends upon the vows we swore to keep dreaming of.

i let myself fall short. keeping nothing close,, running from every possibility that could help turn the lights on, planting seeds and and picking the flowers that grow. watering the sheets of what i slept on. piercing the flaws of a unique limb on a ineffable, undefinable, creation.

for the insanity that kept us sane that planted our every waking minute to the adventure i swore to be a dream, the insanity that kept our eyes wide open to find endless possibilities and the strength of tomorrow, that insanity kept me sane. you insane filthy mind. believe that it will be ok. and that this world is scary, and knowing that i vowed 525,600 minutes ago. and for the passed 262,800 minutes i yearn only for the best. the beauty of the breakdown: i'm still here. and that i can all i can. but for now. i close my eyes and dream only because dreaming is all i ever knew. letting reality, eff over.

i don't know what next.
because the creation only the world has one of can't be. with out the soul, where is she now? flown south for the winter.

eastern sky, broken sundown. let the sun rise and swing me backwards looking up to only see my feet.

-sunshine